Make Believe Memories
by songstobesung
Summary: It may be a way of life to you, but to him it's just some make believe tales that make him filled with joy and memories that don't sting for a moment.


Kurt sleeps, fitfully, and wakes in in sweat, cold sweat. The world has been making his life a living hell, in sleep and in real life. Somedays, Kurt wonders what life would be like if his mom were still here, if she were here to tead him another tale from the only book he keeps by his bedside, in the bottom drawer, on the left side, hidden by his baby blanket. Rubbing his tired Gratz eyes, Kurt opens the drawer, pushes away the faded sky blue blanket, still soft to the touch, and pulls out a large book, with leather binding and his mother's name inscripted on the inside, and he notices her handwriting, scraled in little notes of her favorite sayings.

His mother, Elizabeth, was very religious. She would teach Kurt the ways of the Lord, but not in a way that was broing and dull, because church was boring and dull. her words spun colorful stories, of a flooding world, of a lushious garden, and of sins that filled the world. She never did mention sexuality though, Kurt noticed, but he knows she wasn't that kind of religious. The top verse says 1 Corinthians 16:14 in a black pen. He turns to the page, and reads the passage. He finds the verse and whispers it, as if the words alone could change everything (he knows some drunk man wrote this, out of spite and he shouldn't believe anything, but he believes this verse).

_Let all that you do be done in love._

Has everything he did been done in love?

He thinks back to yesterday, when he yelled. Who did he yell at? He yelled at the Glee Club. He yelled because he was frustrated, tired of listening to this empty house, tired of listening to his own tears, tired of the sad, sad looks, ones that remind him of his mother's death.

Love. He dwells hard on the meaning of love. Love, he shuts the book, the verse now embedded into his tired mind.

Let all that you do be done in love.

He lays back down, after putting the book in it's exact spot, letting the words sink into his skin, and dig deeper into his mind. Love, and what it's meanings underneath the word mean.

He loves his father and mother, but not like he loves Mercedes. he loves Mercedes, but not like he loves his friends. he lovves his friends, but not like he loves Glee. He loves Glee, but not like he loves music. He loves music, but not like he loves being himself.

So many types of love, and they are all understod in different ways.

He just told Cedes he loved her, and thanked her for taking him to church. He hugged her, kissed her cheek, before going into his car and driving to his house, but not before he stopped by her grave, and cried.

Yes, he remebers church. Kurt remebers the happy songs, teh ones he didn't know what they meant but they were lovely to sing. He misses the dust notes mingling in with her perfume, lavender and vanilla perfume. The drawer still smells like her, and just last night he smelt it, because he was so lonely.

Kurt traced her name, over and over, Elizabeth Ann Hummel, Elizabeth Ann Hummel, closing his eyes, and tying to remember her eyes. He did this out of love, he was sure of it. He loved someone who wasn't even there, but Kurt remebered her vibrant green eyes, like fresh, ripe Granny Smith apples, her soft brown curls, falling gently over her shoulders, and her laugh, his Mother's melodic piano laugh that floated to him in dreams sometimes.

Kurt's eyes felt heavy, and he fell into a deep sleep, humming a song whose name escapes him now, but the song kept on saying, "You are my everything, You are the song I sing, I'll do anything for You."

And when singing this, humming this tune, he saw the face of his father, and his mother, laughing and holding a little baby boy.

Then, he fell into a deep sleep.

_Let all that you do be done in love_

**Come one, come all! This fic is going to solely reflect on Kurt and his thoughts. There will be litte mentions of the others, unless something in an episode strikes me. Right now, this is starting from Grilled Chesus, after Cedes takes Kurt to church. It's slightly AU, but I did intended it to be that way.**

**This is going to be a fic for those who are open minded, so please don't bash someone else's beliefs. Sorry, I had to put that out there. **

**Anyways, review please! Yes, these are kinda short, but Kurt is just reflecting on thoughts late at night, now. If enough people enjoy it, I'll maybe do something I will not speak of;)**

**Also, if you have a favorite verse, just put it in a review, and I'll see if Kurt can ever reflect on it.**

**And Kurt's mother's name comes from Duets, when he signs his name Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. I just thought it'd be cute:)**

**-Madi**


End file.
